Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Forgiveness. 
I am determined to forgive.
It is the only cure for bitterness and resentment.

My parents loaned me an incredible book to read and it is changing me, gratefully.  I may rant about it more later but I am anxious to share an excerp from the "Replaceing Bitterness with Forgiveness" Chapter. . .

Contrary to poplular belief, forgiveness does not comprise any of the following:

• Denying the legitimate pain you have experienced
• Agreeing to act like best friends with the person who has done you wrong
• Not feeling legitimate anger
• Allowing others to continue to disrepect your needs and boundaries
• Condoning behavior that is clearly inappropriate
• Telling the wrongdoer that the past is irrelevant and that it is okay to pretend as if nothing ever happened
• Ignoring the ill effects of past wrongs that continue to influence current events

When you forgive, it does not mean that you stop being assertive; nor does it imply that you have "GONE SOFT" about the problems that have left deep wounds.  Forgiveness does mean that you are willing to let go of harmful or ineffective forms of anger and are choosing to turn over the ultimate resolution of wrongdoings to God. 

Some positive aspects of forgiveness include:

• It frees you to focus on the priorities that are more important than anger
• It prompts you to let go of obsessions about the one who has wronged you
• It compels you to stop making insulting and derogatory remarks about the one who has done wrong
• It causes you to be forward looking about your life's course
• It causes you to put acceptance and tolerance first
• It reminds you that you cannot control another person's choices

Forgiveness is not something anyone can earn; it is done for my sake not theirs.  By forgiving you acknowledge that wholeness cannot be found or restored.  The relationship has proven to be incomplete, and no effort you make will remove the pain.  Choosing to forgive implies that you recognize that broken feelings cannot be mended through normal channels of communication.  Loose ends will always be a part of that relationship, and the emotional debt that has been accumulated will never be repaid.

--Dr. Les Carter, Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me (How to Recognize and Manage the Narcissists in Your Life)

Just what is on my heart and how I am comforted on this a most difficult day of Anger and Fear within myself.  More later . . .
God Bless