Two Wolves

Cry and Smile

Introduction

This is our awesome granddaughter.
Must I say more?
She is absolutely incredible.
 We thank God every moment for her existence, she is a true gift.

 

I apologize for the delayed update. 

 Life has taken a crazy/happy turn or 12 the last few months. 

 I received a very nice card from my grandmother today that sums up the year for me.

 

" One of the good things

about getting older

is that we eventually learn

What is important

and brightens our lives

and what is of little concern --

But no matter the wishes

and dreams in our hearts,

no matter the paths that we take,

The dear ones we cherish

add joy to our days

with the wonderful differnce

they make." 

No Thank You

I hate feeling obligated to do something that makes me uncomfortable.  I want to do what feels right and not what someone guilts me into doing.  Hence, I am learning to say "No, Thank You" and learning that following my passions makes me happy and I am finding where I *FIT* in the ultimate scheme of things.

Am I just stubborn and spoiled?--may.be.  More than that I am on a quest for peace and joy.  Know where you stand and what your principles are.  When the storm comes you refer back to your core instead of being wrapped up in the confusion and distractions.  Now, practicing what I preach--that is the challenge.

Have I mentioned that I am blessed with a fantastic supportive partner?  He just hangs on for the (wild) ride.  He completes me.

Reflection

I know that it has been a while since I have posted.  I am taking a moment to purge a little before I continue with the tasks set before me today.

I am fully wrapped in a season of change.  I am in a serious detox in my life.  I have lost track of me.  I have become very distracted by life around me that the things that I know are truly my responsiblilty have suffered.  The parts of my life that I am committed to have been put on the back burner due to things that are not priority or truly important.  I have become so "busy" in my denial.  I have become so obessed with negative things and have forgotten who I am, really. 

I am trying to stay focused now.  Let go of the things that I can't change and their negative affect on me.  Address the things that I need to take charge of and stop the denial.  I have been to proud to admit defeat, to let go of things that I think I can handle. 

I am burrowing hard to get to the core.  It is a slow and painful process.  Picking and chipping away at the unnecessary.  Watching as the usless debris falls away, grasping after it as though there might be something to salvage when it's is of no true value to me.  Inside my head, I'm screaming "Let it go", but it is deep rooted and there are serious emotional attachments. 

Just as I think I see things clearly and think that the rebuilding can begin, I find more to be purged.  The rebuilding is my goal and my motivation.  Clearing out all the junk seems redundant but with out this cleansing process the building process is not as strong as it should be.

The Butterfly Effect

It is through the silent and private struggle of the caterpillar that he can escape the comfort and security of the cocoon and emerge into life again. 

It is through this same silent and private struggle that the beautiful butterfly gains the strength to be able to soar once free from that same comfort and security.

We can learn a lot from nature.  I encourage you to meditate on this process.  You may find yourself in a phase comparative to the cycle of the butterfly.  The caterpillar spends the first cycle of its life absorbing life around it and creates a safe secure shelter for itself.  If the catapillar stays in the cocoon it has created for itself it means imminent death.

I watch as so many of us are in a cocoon phase of our lives.  Some are building strength through the struggle and will soon soar.  Others remain safe and secure and have experienced a type of death due to the lack of nurishment and the ability to breathe. 

Embrace the struggle my friends and gain the strength to soar.  Each of us is created as a unique individual and our wings will not pattern the same as anyone elses.  The butterfly IS inside but you may not see it yet.  Have faith and confidence in your inner beauty and fight to emerge!

I Have THE Mark!

From the mouths of babes . . .

Five year old "Momma would you like me to write a mark on your hand?"

So, sure, I'm game. 

5yo: "Do you want a letter or a number?"

Moi: "Whatever you think I need"

5yo proceeds to write a large"J" with a green pen inside the palm of my hand.  "That means Jayse" (pronounced liked chase with a J). 

Moi: "What is a Jayse?"

After a lengthy attempt to explain the definition . . . you know by the room we play in . . . outside the room . . . by the door . . .

Her final definition of Jayse
"A Jayse is something old and dusty"

So I am marked today by my baby girl as "something old and dusty" by the green ink "J" in the palm of my hand.

________________

There is much joy to be had in the simple things.  Stop and appreciate your life today.  This was my gentle reminder to do so today and I am paying attention.

Update on the ALCH efforts

This is a copy of an email sent to our volunteer team members.  Edited to protect identities

Hello Friends!


Forgive me for just now emailing you, it has been a very busy weekend :)

Thank you for making yourself available. I want to take this opportunity to brief you on the weekend and make sure you have plenty of information resources.

First the weekend:

My personal feelings after the events at Saturday's District Meeting in Woodward--I am disappointed in our board, but NOT discouraged.

DISAPPOINTMENT - Our board members still refuse to listen to anyone or anything pertaining our children, our jobs, or our homes (BOO!)

ENCOURAGEMENT - We were well received by the majority of the Legionnaires attending. The Auxiliary members even came outside (three times) to ask if they could bring us something warm to drink. We were invited inside after lunch for a open discussion after the regular session concluded. It was very moving to hear the veterans standing up for our children. It was very emotional.

It was quite a drive to Woodward and it was stinkin' cold. But I am very proud to have been there, there were staff and volunteers who stood bold and strong for what they (WE) believe is right. You were well represented on Saturday. We stood for you, and for our kids, and for our homes. You should be proud and I hope that more of you may be available to attend next time. Yes, there will be more opportunities.

Beverly Bryant continues to do a wonderful job covering the story. If you want to know what happened in the meeting, you can pick up Sunday edition or read it tomorrow at www.poncacitynews.com . She was on the outside the same as we were and covered the events as we experienced them.

***THIS JUST IN***
I understand from our website creator that he interviewed Senator Myers for the website. Senator Myers makes mention in that interview that the board members are getting so many phone calls that they are starting to have their phone numbers changed!!!

Thank you to those of you who were available to make signs for Woodward.

Thank you to those working on the press release distribution.

There will be more to do, tomorrow evening the volunteer team (Diane, Becky, Amanda and myself) are going to meet to to regroup and then we will have more projects to work on.

To wrap up, now you all have my email address now and I welcome your feedback, ideas, whatever. Please be patient with me as I try to get back with you. Also, I have posted links some of our resources so dive in and share, share, share!
______________________
Email your letters of support to savethechildrenshomeangels@yahoo.com .
Your letters will be added to the MANY that are being forwarded to the board members.
______________________

Facebook Cause Page
Save The Children's Home Angels
Join the cause and invite your friends
______________________

http://www.savethelegionkids.com/
Our Website--Thanks to Andy and Coleen!
______________________

Ponca City News Articles relating to the ALCH
http://www.poncacity.com/
______________________

Stand Strong My Friends, We are all in this together,

Children's Home in the News

CLICK HERE TO GO THE PONCA CITY NEWS ARTICLE

As I was sitting with my daughter at the hospital this morning the nurse came in astonished about the news that the Children's Home would be closing.  We hinted at how it affected us and he said that the article had made the front page news.  So I have included a link to this mornings article which will give you the facts as of now if you are interested. 

MiKay is feeling better and we hope that she will be released in the morning.  Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers.  We know that control over all is not in our hands, but in God's.  This of course applies to all of our circumstances yesterday, today & tomorrow.

tinaclonts@yahoo.com

In "Whom" Do We Trust???

Who among you would offer his son a stone if he asked for bread? . . . How much more will your heavenly father give to you?

I eluded to some of you that changes for the Clonts family are on the horizon.  So now it is official.  CH-CH-CH-Changes.

So the 80+ years of caring for children at the American Legion Children's Home in Ponca City, Oklahoma is coming to a close.  For us that means looking for a new home for our family and a new job for Darren.  Anyone who knows us well, knows that this is quite a blow for our little family.

Here's a story of a girl (me) who loves, loves, LOVES her exhisting circumstances.  Family, friends, home, work. . . and now has to face the reality of completely uprooting--ouch!  I am not alone and that saddens me that there are SO many families in our community that are facing the reality, not to mention all of the children who will now have to find new placements.

For many years now, we have had to learn to trust God in our circumstances, not a new or easy thing for us.  However, we are getting better at handling it as we face these types of things.  There have been many times that we felt God leading us in a particular direction and we could not see how we could possible obtain that on our own.  I can remember Darren and I sitting at the dinner table and literally saying "Ok, God (insert "tee hee" here), if that is what you want, we are willing.  But, we have no way of making it happen, this one is on you!" and (how do you spell wha-la) unimaginable doors opened and we were happy to (how do you spell ski-daddle?) move on through.

I can remember many times when great joy has filled our hearts thinking NO. WAY. and just riding that giant wave and finding ourselves in a place better than what we could have ever expected for ourselves.  (i.e. living with my parents for 6 months trying to get on our feet, again, with our 3 kids and finding out that we were pregnant with Bennette 'insert enourmous grin here'-- one of the best things that EVER happened to us--who plans that?)  How many stories do you want I have a long list, that is a fun one. 

 What are you going to do?  What's the plan?

I have not a clue.  It is still fresh.  We are grieving but we are positive.  We are not ready, but I believe that our circumstances over the last year has been preparing us for change and in that aspect, we are ready.  We are not ruling anything out at this point--we know better. 

So tune in next time for another exciting episode/adventure . . .

Peace be with you, all of our friends and co-workers facing the same realities that we face.  We are not alone, nothing happens that God is not in control over.  Email me, we will exchange grief and positiveness!
tinaclonts@yahoo.com

Love you ALL!

Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

Principles or Rules?

We have been doing some extensive reading on unschooling recently.  We have been applying some of the principles of unschooling life.  It is overwhelming, however, I found a quote joyfullyrejoycing.com that began this process for us, "Don't drop all your parenting rules at once. Just say "Yes!" more."

Our entire family is going through an amazing transformation.  I copied a quote from Organic Sister on Facebook the other day "You can't fill a glass with water and have it spill orange juice. Likewise you can't fill a child's life with unconditional love and generosity and have them become "spoiled, self-centered or needy".

It's really all about slowing down.  Re-evaluating EVERYTHING.  I create the stress in my life by over complicating things.  I am learning to enjoy my children and through this process we are understanding each other and growing in our relationships by leaps and bounds.  I am still the parent, protective and watchful, but I am have a different motivation.  The way we have done things in the past has rewarded us with children leading a parent directed life that they could not wait to be free of (like jail).  I want something different for my children then what I have created for them so far, a controlling, inconsistent, stressed out persuit of a unrealistic life.  It is so true, they do not do what you say, the do what they see you do.

We are throwing out the rules.  We are trying instead to instill valuable principles.

A principle internally motivates you to do the things that seem good and right. People develop principles by living with people with principles and seeing the real benefits of such a life.


A rule externally compels you, through force, threat or punishment, to do the things someone else has deemed good or right. People follow or break rules.

I had always looked at the two as being the same thing.  The two are different in definition and in application.  Re-evaluating this type of thinking is making HUGE changes in our home, in our relationships, and reaches down into the very core of my being and is changing me.  I am more relaxed and I am truly enjoying my life experiences.  It is not perfect, but I find myself more at peace with myself and with the world around me.  I am discovering what truly matters and that I can confidently set personal boundaries without guilt. 

Try this experiment:  The next time your child asks if they can eat dessert first, say yes!  AND JOIN THEM.  The next time they ask you to play Barbies or Legos, you guessed it, say  Yes!  But the real key is to put out of your mind whatever you were doing or whatever needs to be done and enjoy that time with your child.  There is nothing more important than that moment. 

Thanks for following me in my journey, I think I am on baby step 126,155,332 and I have a lifetime left to go.  Remember to LIVE--Simply.  Generously.  Unpretentiously.

Bracelets for Kim

Per Robin on Facebook:

We are selling silicone braclets (purple) that say FAITH LOVE CONQUER AND KIMBERLY ON BACK SIDE. to help Kim with medical expenses. It has been doing very well we had to order more. If you would like one or more let me know . $5.00 a braclet. Thanks everyone for all your support.

Contact:

Robin: robin_mike06@yahoo.com

Bob and Marcia Crandall

Please spread the word!

Thanks, Tina

Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

Meanwhile in the land of the Clonts familiy . . . . . .

Simplify. 

This used to be my driving force.  What I needed to strive for in order to keep me focused and on the 'sane train'.  But I guess that was too simple, oh how I love to complicate things.  When I say complicate--I mean disect it, dig deeper, find the origin and the motivation.  Yes, I usually end up just making things more difficult than they need to be but my motivation is for understanding, not just to cause trouble.  That being said, my current motto is . . .

LIVE -- Simply, Generously, Unpretentiously

First of all LIVE!!! Enjoy life, live it up!  Don't be afraid to make mistakes, you only truly fail if you never try at all.  Do something everyday that is totally outside your box.  I am not suggesting that you commit a crime but I am suggesting that you LIGHTEN UP and RELAX and ENJOY your exhistence rather than simply tolerate each breath that you take.  Here are a few suggestions you are welcome to use:

• When life gets too stressful, I am at my witts end (hormones, grumpy children, ect) I like to take what we call a Joy Break. 1. Gather all present family members in one room  2. Turn up some music as loud as your ears can possibly tolerate it  3. DANCE (I make a total fool of myself headbanging and then waltzing with any other objecting family members who refuse to loosen up).  When the song is over you will have experienced an incredible release and the whole family will have a change in attitude. 
• Purposly give up control of something and let someone else do it their way.  AND THEN ENJOY THE EXPERIENCE for both of you. Stop. Evaluate. Enjoy.  This coming from a recovering Nazi-mom with the need to control everything. 
• Make time for yourself.  I see this as quality verses quantity.  If you invest a little time for yourself you will greatly improve your attitude and motivation  in addressing others.

Simplify.  Un-Complicate your life.  For some people this means scheduling your life to create order.  For others it means trashing your schedule.  For me it means limiting my investment in things that are not important, stressful, or have a negative effect on me and my family.  I also like to find simple ways to accomplish things.  Things that are rich and vital to exhistence but are so easily overlooked in the life of chaos that we can find ourselves in. 

Generousity.  Give.  Give of yourself, your time, your resources.  Give yourself to your spouse.  Give to your children.  Be generous in your love for your family, your community.  That means something different for everyone.  Community may mean your church, your city, or your friends.  If you live with an attitude of generousity you find opportunities all around you to be generous.  It may be to help your child tie their shoe; a generous smile to a clerk in the grocery store that is having one of 'those' days; cookies for a neighbor who is in a bad mood.  You will be amazed at how your relationships will change if you simply give.  No amount of money can compare to the investment of an attentive friend.

Unpretentious.  I am not a good faker.  I want to be genuine even if that means that I have to be diplomatic and set some serious boundaries for myself.  I strive to be respectful of each person and their unique individualism.  But to fake it--that breaks the simplify rule by complicating things.  Don't misunderstand, I DO speak fluent sarcasim, I love to cut up and have fun.  I do think in order to have a genuine relationship you will have some bumps in the road.  However, to pretend that we can reach some kind of perfection is simply unrealistic.  I am imperfect, you are imperfect and we can agree to disagree sometimes--respectfully, of course.  You say tomato . . .

Your comments are welcome

Monday, August 30, 2010

In My Arms

I sat in church last night with my baby asleep in my arms.  I had walked out of the house with only colorbooks and not crayons for our visit to the evening service at church.  Zach was happily drawing with pens and pencils, but this was just too much to ask Bennette.  She was a bit tired and not very tolerant of my forgetfulness.  So she climbed on my lap and put her head on my shoulder and nodded off into the land of sleep.  This is not as easy as it used to be.  She is a very healthy 5 now, but she is still the baby.


She lay there asleep in my arms and as our Pastor spoke, I began to weep.  I couldn't control the flashbacks that I felt.  They were just too overwhelming.  Thinking of my two youngest in my arms is sentimental, they are young enough that they still almost fit.  I love the way that I hold them and they hold me back until that moment when they fall asleep and then it's all on you, just you and the very large limp noodle of a child in your arms. 


Flashback to a time when my two oldest children were actually small enough to sit on my lap.  Kallie would climb up and "waller" you until she got comfortable.  At three, she was the size of a six year old but still just a baby and needed her cuddles and snuggles.  I am bawling like a baby just to think of her now, almost 6 foot tall, independent and beautiful, she still needs her momma moments but it should be me crawling into her lap now.

I can remember MiKayla's apprehension to bond with us in that way in the beginning.  You could better connect with her in through play.  Any ball would work, but games were good too.  I can remember inviting her into my arms and eventually receiving a hug back.  The first time I remember her literally jumping into my arms is when I met Darren at the E.R. because MiKay had busted her head open at a school function.  I carried her into the hospital, Darren kept saying "Let me carry her", I refused because this was the first time I remember her clutching on to me for comfort.  After that day it became easier and easier for us to bond in that way.

As I shared my flashback moments with Darren on the way home, we talked about how we look at our children.  They want us to see them for the "big kids" that they are, and we do.  But we also see that little child, that every experience makes us fall in love with them more and more.  When I look into my children's eyes they are the same eyes that used to look up to me to care for them and provide for them.  Darren says it's like that commercial where the Dad is giving instructions to his daughter as she gets behind the wheel of the car to drive off.  He is instructing a teenager, but he sees her as his precious little five year old.

How blessed we are to experience our children and some day our grandchildren.  Thank you for the overwhelming support we have always received from our family and friends to help us raise our children.  Some of you are there for my children when they choose not to let me be, and for that I am grateful that they have formed those relationships with you. 

We face this week with great expectations.  From this momma's heart to yours, have a great day!  Remember to stop and appreciate the things around you.

 

Friday, August 27th, 2010

Reading.  I love to read.  I rarely pick up a novel because once I start something like that I can hardly put it down and I do not need any more excuses to procrastinate.  I like magazines and the kinds of books that you can be satisfied with reading a section and then be able to pick it up again later with out missing a beat. 

Blogging.  I love to blogging for many reasons.  It gives me a chance to vent (though my rantings probably don't make sense to many); I can post things to keep my friends and family up to date on what is going on with us; AND I love my reading list.  The reading list enables me to "follow" blogs that I am interested in and I can just log in to my blogspot account and ta-da, my reading list is right there.  The most current blog postings pop up right there and I can skim through and read just as if I were picking up a magazine. 

This allows me to have a moment to myself.  Sometimes I need a refreshing idea for schooling or dinner.  Sometimes I just need to find a little inspiration.  Blogging has become a good outlet for me and I can have reading material right at my fingertips that fits me for the moment that I need.

As always, please feel free to leave a comment or a note.  It's not a commitment and I don't think you're being nosy either :)

Grace and Peace To You,
Tina

Thursday, August 26th, 2010

An interesting discussion with my 13 year old daughter this morning.  How does Mom recognize that I am stressed before daughter recognizes her own stress?  Oh, Boy It was a whopper of a conversation and I was sobbing like a baby by the end of it.  It falls back to those comments your children make like "How did Mom know?" "Mom must have eyes in the back of her head" and so on.  The following was part of my explaination:

Parents begin studying their children the moment that the meet them, or before.  In our case, we have two adopted daughters who we received a  case file on before we met them.  Also, we have two birth children who's sonograms we studied and experimented with what voices and music they responded to while they were still in the womb.

A child is a mother's passion. I have always studied my children whether it was to memorize their fingers and toes or to watch them interact with their peers to see them developing into little people.  I know when that pile of laundry comes out of your room what you wore all day and what goes back into your closet because you tried it on and then threw it in the floor.  All Mom's know EXACTLY what I am coming from.  We know our kids and I keep telling my daughters that they will not fully understand until they have children of their own. 

I love my husband, he is my partner, we are a team.  But your love for your children is different and you have to let go little by little and let them explore life and make their own mistakes and stand beside them when the consequences come and not fix it for them any more.  Mom's memorize their children, we have been there and done that and would love to tell you how to keep yourself from making the same mistakes we did.  Sometimes only life experience will teach those lessons.

Pain also comes with great love and passion.  If you choose not to have children because you are afraid of the pain in childbirth, you are missing out.  When we love our children but there are times in our life that our love for them may bring us great pain.  The pain that we feel is temporary and the great joy that we experience overshadows any pain that we might have felt.  It is painful for a child to choose their friends over you when you know that you are a better sword fighter or barbie designer than that five year old friend could ever be! (insert belly laugh here) 

Once seperate from that umbilical cord the seperation continues little by little.  But that is all part of the growing process.  It doesn't mean that you stop loving or adoring your children, it only means that your relationship changes.  And it changes all too quickly for us momma's and not soon enough for our children. 

I am the most imperfect parent that I know.  I will never forget the first time my children smiled at me or called me momma.  How I wish I could return to a more simple time when I could just kiss their hurt and it would disappear.  But if I did that I would not grow to eventually experience the joy of seeing them with their children for the first time and enjoying the way that they memorize their children's toes. 

My children-MiKayla, Kallie, Zachary and Bennette-how I adore you and hope that you know how much I love you all.

Thursday, August 5th, 2009

Summer Fun


We are priveledged to have a great maintenance team that will act fast when our air conditioning decides to freeze on a hot August day.  The day was tolerable thanks to the unusual cloud cover and now that sunset is approaching we find ourselves gently cooling down. 

It will not be long before we are buried in snow and wishing for the days spent splashing in the water in the hot sun. I have posted a couple of pictures of the cousins in the sun.  Happy Memories. 

All around me I hear of chaos and stressful situations.  I pray a prayer of peace for each one.  The most positive control we can have in any situation is 'self control'.  Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts.  Let us not lift our souls to another.  Just my thought for the day.

We are watching God open doors and close doors as we pray for patience to see His will and lead us on the path He has set before us.  We wait in positive anticipation.  Some dude facebooked a bunch of us today to say "BE EXPECTING!"  I'm there man!!!

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

Let's talk health and nutrition.

First I will take you on a time warp. 15 years ago I landed a job as a pharmacy clerk and worked in that field for about 3 years. I gleaned ALOT from my experience. Sure I learned some great skills and gained mucho knowledge about how the world works but let's talk about what I learned from the nutrition aspect:

(scene: Enter middle aged woman with a gallon size ziplock bag full of small amber color prescription bottles)

"Mrs. D." approaches my pharmacy counter and places large clear bag on the counter. "I need to get some refills". I watch as she opens the bag and I watch her hands tremor as she removes the small bottles one by one and sets them on the counter. Appearently frustrated by her lack of focus and control of her own hands, she begins to tell a story I have never forgotten. "I went to the Doctor for . . . He prescribed this" (gently placing another bottle on the counter). "But the side effects caused ____, so he prescribed this" (another bottle). "The combination of the two caused me to ______, so I take this" (you guessed it-another bottle). This went on until every bottle had a horrifying explaination.

This was only the beginning of my observation of the giant pharmaceutical beast. I have some crazy stories, this was only the beginning of my eye opening experiences. Now is the time to enter a disclaimer, if you will. I am not opposed to doctors, pharmacies, blah, blah, blah. I have gained much knowledge from many of these kind of proffessionals in my life. From some, what to do; from others, what not to do. No bashing here, just sharing my personal opinions and experiences in my own journey.

From the beginning of these experiences at the pharmacy I determined that there had to be an alternative to this kind of lifestyle. Being on the fluffy side ALL of my life, I have had plenty of ups and downs on the health/weight scale. I began a quest and it continues to this day. I will use this forum for discussion, if you are reading this, yes, you. Please feel free to discuss, comment, email me--let's chat.

Ok, here is a brief list of things attempted (some of them may have been beneficial, some not so much):

~Supplements (you name it, there's an vitamin/herb for it)

~Pyramid/MLM Buy/Build/Bankrupt

~Exercise (from Walking Buddies to Classes & Memberships)

~Books, Videos, Cookbooks

~Flush; Detox; Cleanse

~Eat this, don't eat that

~Groups, Clubs, Bible Studies (yes, even Bible based fads)

Some of these worked great but I fell off the wagon; Some things were just a JOKE; Some were too expensive; . . . You get the point, one excuse is as good as the other. I love to watch/read articles on health tips, good nutrition, and what not. I am always looking for the magic potion to cure me. The truth is that I am my biggest enemy. My brain, my will, my laziness & procrastination. I acknowledge this, I live with it every day.

Just laying the foundation here. Tomorrow we will discuss what IS working for me RIGHT NOW and I am not selling anything I am just taking back CONTROL of me and using this blog to document my journey. I have tried some really outrageous things lately and it is affecting everything about the way I live my life. Topics that I would like to discuss (but not limited to):

~Getting rid of joy sucking worry

~Depression

~Relax, Breathe, Let it go

~Iridology and other Alternative thinking

~Food Allergies that make you retain weight

~Herbivores, Chia seeds, and Herbal Tea

~Educating yourself

I DO NOT have it all figured out, you are welcome to join me in this journey if you like. I would love some feedback.  Until tomorrow. . .

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

"Scandal" painting by Mike Boast

SCANDALOUS: breaking with propriety
Audacious bold, determined, beyond reasonable limits
Extravagant crazy, out-of-bounds, profuse

GRACE: a virtue of God
Preposterous underserved, outrageous, unexpected
Life-changing wild, liberating, unrestrained, satisfying

Another great book find from Gardners "Scandalous Grace", a journey of Scandalous Grace, Scandalous Living.  John 8 tells us of a woman caught in the act of adultrey, brought before Christ naked, fearful, shamed.  Yet, He didn't have any harsh words.  Rather he demonstrated grace to her in His gentle, compassionate way and gave her divine forgiveness.  This same kind of grace covers my petty, self-serving, self-absorbed ways. 

A good friend reminded me on Sunday that we can't live in the past and have a future.  It's time to leave the past in the past for only then can you move forward.  For me this is a daily process.  Every day is a lesson learned.  Learn from the mistakes made in the past.  Leave the drama behind and bring the wisdom you have learned with you into the future.  Day by Day, I get overwhelmed to think much farther than that!

Day by Day--Oh, Dear Lord, three things I pray. To see the more clearly; love thee more dearly; follow thee more nearly. Day by Day (love me some Godspell)

Throughout the life of Christ I see him as "going where many dared not go".  He was seriously misunderstood and yet He understood every situation.  Most importantly, He understands me.  Thank you for tolerating my rantings, I find it very therapuetic to vent.  Be encouraged--Let's put the FUN back in Disfunctional!!!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Journal entry - 5/30/08

Denomination.  Fundamentals. Faith. Freedom. Master or Slave --
How exhausting it is trying to figure out how everyone else tells you to think and believe.  It's frustrating.  Where's the freedom to enjoy life, enjoy God?

Baseline is this -- Throw it all to the side, it is all too crazy to sort through right now.  Can you come to the place where you can just acknowledge that you are a significant being and a seek out your Creator.  Find that place in your mind where you can meditate on Him alone for just a little while.  As though the universe were empty except for you and your Creator, one on one.  Seek Him for your purpose, direction.  Whatever questions you have .

It's not about doctrine or some emotional roller coaster, or your peers and the latest trend.  It's about you acknowledging your Creator and seeking out the purpose in your exhistence.  The Creator has the answers and longs for the inamacy of your acknowledging Him and your pure lust in finding your designated purpose.

What a God that would sacrifice so much through time to give you, ME, open access to such intamacy.

Do not expect a cookie cutter, stamped out response from your Creator.  Anticipate a unique understanding of your significance.