Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

Principles or Rules?

We have been doing some extensive reading on unschooling recently.  We have been applying some of the principles of unschooling life.  It is overwhelming, however, I found a quote joyfullyrejoycing.com that began this process for us, "Don't drop all your parenting rules at once. Just say "Yes!" more."

Our entire family is going through an amazing transformation.  I copied a quote from Organic Sister on Facebook the other day "You can't fill a glass with water and have it spill orange juice. Likewise you can't fill a child's life with unconditional love and generosity and have them become "spoiled, self-centered or needy".

It's really all about slowing down.  Re-evaluating EVERYTHING.  I create the stress in my life by over complicating things.  I am learning to enjoy my children and through this process we are understanding each other and growing in our relationships by leaps and bounds.  I am still the parent, protective and watchful, but I am have a different motivation.  The way we have done things in the past has rewarded us with children leading a parent directed life that they could not wait to be free of (like jail).  I want something different for my children then what I have created for them so far, a controlling, inconsistent, stressed out persuit of a unrealistic life.  It is so true, they do not do what you say, the do what they see you do.

We are throwing out the rules.  We are trying instead to instill valuable principles.

A principle internally motivates you to do the things that seem good and right. People develop principles by living with people with principles and seeing the real benefits of such a life.


A rule externally compels you, through force, threat or punishment, to do the things someone else has deemed good or right. People follow or break rules.

I had always looked at the two as being the same thing.  The two are different in definition and in application.  Re-evaluating this type of thinking is making HUGE changes in our home, in our relationships, and reaches down into the very core of my being and is changing me.  I am more relaxed and I am truly enjoying my life experiences.  It is not perfect, but I find myself more at peace with myself and with the world around me.  I am discovering what truly matters and that I can confidently set personal boundaries without guilt. 

Try this experiment:  The next time your child asks if they can eat dessert first, say yes!  AND JOIN THEM.  The next time they ask you to play Barbies or Legos, you guessed it, say  Yes!  But the real key is to put out of your mind whatever you were doing or whatever needs to be done and enjoy that time with your child.  There is nothing more important than that moment. 

Thanks for following me in my journey, I think I am on baby step 126,155,332 and I have a lifetime left to go.  Remember to LIVE--Simply.  Generously.  Unpretentiously.