Monday, June 21, 2010

Fun in the Sun with the Family at the OKC Zoo this weekend.  We visited the zoo and then moved on to a concert at the Amphitheater. 

It was HOT!  Once we got sat down at the outdoor concert we were in a well shaded area.  The light breeze was a nice treat, except for those times when we were downwind of the zoo.  It was just a litle reminder how close we were to the wild-lol.  We enjoyed a wonderful time of worship with Chris Tomlin followed by an intense jam session with Toby Mac.  By the time the day was over we were pleasantly exhaustipated.  The kids slept VERY well on the ride home.  A family day well spent.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Today will go down in history as another

"I opened my big, fat mouth when I should have done something different" day.

I'll spare you the gore. When I found out what was going on--Believe it or not, this time I kept my mouth closed (mostly because of the shock factor), at least for a little while. Long enough for that feeling like your teeth have just been smashed in by a baseball bat to begin to subside a little.

Some things you just can't take back. Even if they are true. Just about the time that I thought we had made it through all of the earth shattering. You know the feeling like you can trust your life to maintain some kind of stability. Then the tsunami hits, you didn't see it coming, it is a disaster that you couldn't get away from!

So, just to clarify, the house and family are still standing. This is my attempt to vent all of the emotion pent up inside of me. I have already assured my tsunami that it is COMPLETELY my fault for even giving the opportunity for something so hurtful to be repeated. I am trying to do what I always tell them to do--Own it! I have apologized and taken the responsibility. It's not one of those things you can fix or take back. It just brings more destruction.

So heed this warning: When things in your life are extremely emotional (and unfortunantly true) be careful because your words can come back to bite you. It deters the healing process that much more. Like I said, just when you think it is safe to go back in the water . . .

*in attempt to vent please see the sad attempt at me finding humor in my ignorance*

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Overview of Jacob:
Born as part of God's Promise.

Lying.
Decietfullness.
Trickery.

Fled from Accountablility/Responsibility of his own actions.
Completely cut ties with those whom he had wronged.

Built a new life based on lies.
Wronged in return.

Took a beating from God.
Recounciled With God.

Found genuine repentance.
Reconciled with those he had deceived and lied to.

Jacob found true repentance and did reconcile with those he had lied and deceived out of his selfishness. The family did accept him even though he was in fear of his own life. It took a beating because he wouldn't let go of God. God made a true change in Jacob, even the changing of his name. He met those he had wronged only after true repentance was found.

Nothing less could have been expected or it would have just been one cycle after another of endless games. I am sure that the seperation was hard for those who loved Jacob and were willing to forgive him. It also appears that it took a very long time and many life experiences for Jacob to come to the point of repentance. The Bible may not give the details of what processes the family endured during that time. It is clear that God's grace allowed a reconciliation in His time. Not to mention with changed hearts.

Unfortunantly, much time and relationships were lost. I believe there was great regret. I have faith that God is in control and we need to be led by Him. Not by emotion or regret, for we all make mistakes. But look at the example of hope that we have in this story. We must hold on to the hope that God grants us. Jacob and his family went on to be a great legacy in the eyes of God and man. They say time heals wounds, but I find that in this story and hopefully ours, that God will move us to repentance and reconciliation in our hearts. First to Him and then toward others.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Looking for a way to redeem myself. I know this will all sound foolish to anyone who does not speak fluent "Tina". (Now that it is out that this is one of my favorite all time movies you understand how warped I am)

The truth is that we are all in need of redemption. We can be comforted by moments of emotion but those moments do not actually mean there has been a change of heart. A change of heart is followed by a change in behavior AND many challenges as we all are far from perfection.

A broken heart is a sure way to ensure self evaluation. What can I do different? Can I duct tape my heart together and pretend like this never happened? We must be careful that we do not become indifferent as a coping mechanism.

Good news! There is a redeemer. He has already done all of the work for us. He understands the hurt of all parties involved and He alone can mend and heal what has been broken. Which is pretty understanding of him especially since he is not responsible for the breaking!

Thank you for swallowing the rantings of a woman who is at a loss. All I that keeps going through my head is " . . . Then you go and do something like this and TOTALLY redeem yourself!!!"

Have a Fantastic Thursday! The kids and I are headed to the beach with my Sis and my nephews.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A wise man once said "Never Assume. 

It only makes an Ass of you and me".

Today I reflect on decesions made.  Please do not assume that I am upset with you if you are embarrassed that you didn't call when you thought you should have called.  Please do not assume that if my opinion is different than yours that I am ashamed of you.  Please do not assume that there is EVER anything that you could do that would push me away from you.  You are precious to me and by assuming anything otherwise you are mistaken.  You have nothing to prove to anyone.  You are and have always been the gift given to us by God himself.  No one can take that away.

Today I pray for all who are estranged from loved ones for any reason.  Walk in Faith or be led by fear.  God is in control and when we all truly submit to that we will be comforted.  I am not there yet!

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

Somedays I just want the world to disappear so that I can capture every moment selfishly with my kids. Other days I feel like all I have done is fail them.

I made the above comment to a dear friend earlier and then decided that it would be the subject of my blog today.  As selfish as I want to be with my children, that does not prepare them for the world that we live in.  As a parent, as soon as I think that we have conquered one issue--it is then painfully clear to me that we have so much more to tackle. 

We continue to experience action/reaction issues. They're action, my reaction.  Boy, oh boy!  My precious children know how to push my buttons.  And of course, it is typically at a time when I really do need to evaluate what my attention is being invested in.   

I did not truly appreciate my parents until I had kids of my own. I wonder if that is when my kids will see what we are trying to establish with them now.  I am honored to be "Momma".  I am encouraged to know that God is the one who is truly in control. 

Thoughts and feedback are welcome here.