Two Wolves

Cry and Smile

Freedom of Fear

I admit it, I have had a particular terrifying fear for about 16 years now.  I have let the fear of this particular rejection rule my life and my decisions in so many ways.  Now in most recent weeks, I have had to face that fear.  All the maneuvers to avoid and run from that fear have caught up with me regardless of whatever actions that I took. 

Avoiding fear, in my case, has created so much turmoil and entanglement.  I regret the fact that I have not dealt with it sooner.  It would not have been easy to deal with it EVER!  Ignoring it did not make anything productive of the situation.  The outcome was inevitable.  My attempt to take control and guide this fear to a healthy place only backfired in my face.  

Now the healing begins.  This has changed me.  It has changed my relationships.  I have become comfortably numb.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I have certain people put in my charge that need my full attention.  As long as I feel that people hold hostility and hate toward me I cannot move forward in that relationship.  I have boundaries that I didn't know I had.  Even in the distance of my heart the love is still there. 

I have been trying to salvage relationships that I have destroyed.  That's what you do, right?  The problem is, I have been trying to rebuild from the scrap and ashes of what that destruction left behind.  This time--NO! Time heals.  Love and healing make the hate and hostility fade.  I only desire love.  I desire to rebuild fresh and new.  I don't know what that looks like because I am not there yet.  I am free, but I'm just learning how to fly.

 

"The Oven Is On Fire!!!"

Early one morning last week our 15 year old asked to bake some cookies.  "Sure".  I mean what could happen, right?  A few minutes later (during the preheat process) there was much hollering, a ball of flames from the oven, fire extenguisher in use, and a house full of  black smoke and white powder.

As things began to settle, I peered into the oven to see what was the cause of all this chaos.  "Zach! Why is your glow stick in the oven?...)  He response was a detailed explaination of how he was checking to see if the stick had recharged after being in the freezer overnight.  "It was the darkest place for me to try it." 

I called Darren to explain that we had an event that led us to use to fire extenguisher for the first time in 18 years of marriage.  I also complained about the house being full of white powder despite our attempts to air it out.  The catch about that is, that when I removed my glasses and put in my contacts the white powder disappeared (duh!).  In the chaos, I had neglected to acknowledge that I had the glasses on and that they were covered in a thick powder like the rest of me. 

It was a huge mess to clean up but very minor compared to the worst case scenario.  And be warned, the liquid inside of the neon glow stick is flammable.  You will be amazed at how hilariously grateful you are when things could have been A LOT worse.

Introduction

This is our awesome granddaughter.
Must I say more?
She is absolutely incredible.
 We thank God every moment for her existence, she is a true gift.

 

I apologize for the delayed update. 

 Life has taken a crazy/happy turn or 12 the last few months. 

 I received a very nice card from my grandmother today that sums up the year for me.

 

" One of the good things

about getting older

is that we eventually learn

What is important

and brightens our lives

and what is of little concern --

But no matter the wishes

and dreams in our hearts,

no matter the paths that we take,

The dear ones we cherish

add joy to our days

with the wonderful differnce

they make."