Monday, August 30, 2010

In My Arms

I sat in church last night with my baby asleep in my arms.  I had walked out of the house with only colorbooks and not crayons for our visit to the evening service at church.  Zach was happily drawing with pens and pencils, but this was just too much to ask Bennette.  She was a bit tired and not very tolerant of my forgetfulness.  So she climbed on my lap and put her head on my shoulder and nodded off into the land of sleep.  This is not as easy as it used to be.  She is a very healthy 5 now, but she is still the baby.


She lay there asleep in my arms and as our Pastor spoke, I began to weep.  I couldn't control the flashbacks that I felt.  They were just too overwhelming.  Thinking of my two youngest in my arms is sentimental, they are young enough that they still almost fit.  I love the way that I hold them and they hold me back until that moment when they fall asleep and then it's all on you, just you and the very large limp noodle of a child in your arms. 


Flashback to a time when my two oldest children were actually small enough to sit on my lap.  Kallie would climb up and "waller" you until she got comfortable.  At three, she was the size of a six year old but still just a baby and needed her cuddles and snuggles.  I am bawling like a baby just to think of her now, almost 6 foot tall, independent and beautiful, she still needs her momma moments but it should be me crawling into her lap now.

I can remember MiKayla's apprehension to bond with us in that way in the beginning.  You could better connect with her in through play.  Any ball would work, but games were good too.  I can remember inviting her into my arms and eventually receiving a hug back.  The first time I remember her literally jumping into my arms is when I met Darren at the E.R. because MiKay had busted her head open at a school function.  I carried her into the hospital, Darren kept saying "Let me carry her", I refused because this was the first time I remember her clutching on to me for comfort.  After that day it became easier and easier for us to bond in that way.

As I shared my flashback moments with Darren on the way home, we talked about how we look at our children.  They want us to see them for the "big kids" that they are, and we do.  But we also see that little child, that every experience makes us fall in love with them more and more.  When I look into my children's eyes they are the same eyes that used to look up to me to care for them and provide for them.  Darren says it's like that commercial where the Dad is giving instructions to his daughter as she gets behind the wheel of the car to drive off.  He is instructing a teenager, but he sees her as his precious little five year old.

How blessed we are to experience our children and some day our grandchildren.  Thank you for the overwhelming support we have always received from our family and friends to help us raise our children.  Some of you are there for my children when they choose not to let me be, and for that I am grateful that they have formed those relationships with you. 

We face this week with great expectations.  From this momma's heart to yours, have a great day!  Remember to stop and appreciate the things around you.