An interesting discussion with my 13 year old daughter this morning. How does Mom recognize that I am stressed before daughter recognizes her own stress? Oh, Boy It was a whopper of a conversation and I was sobbing like a baby by the end of it. It falls back to those comments your children make like "How did Mom know?" "Mom must have eyes in the back of her head" and so on. The following was part of my explaination:
Parents begin studying their children the moment that the meet them, or before. In our case, we have two adopted daughters who we received a case file on before we met them. Also, we have two birth children who's sonograms we studied and experimented with what voices and music they responded to while they were still in the womb.
A child is a mother's passion. I have always studied my children whether it was to memorize their fingers and toes or to watch them interact with their peers to see them developing into little people. I know when that pile of laundry comes out of your room what you wore all day and what goes back into your closet because you tried it on and then threw it in the floor. All Mom's know EXACTLY what I am coming from. We know our kids and I keep telling my daughters that they will not fully understand until they have children of their own.
I love my husband, he is my partner, we are a team. But your love for your children is different and you have to let go little by little and let them explore life and make their own mistakes and stand beside them when the consequences come and not fix it for them any more. Mom's memorize their children, we have been there and done that and would love to tell you how to keep yourself from making the same mistakes we did. Sometimes only life experience will teach those lessons.
Pain also comes with great love and passion. If you choose not to have children because you are afraid of the pain in childbirth, you are missing out. When we love our children but there are times in our life that our love for them may bring us great pain. The pain that we feel is temporary and the great joy that we experience overshadows any pain that we might have felt. It is painful for a child to choose their friends over you when you know that you are a better sword fighter or barbie designer than that five year old friend could ever be! (insert belly laugh here)
Once seperate from that umbilical cord the seperation continues little by little. But that is all part of the growing process. It doesn't mean that you stop loving or adoring your children, it only means that your relationship changes. And it changes all too quickly for us momma's and not soon enough for our children.
I am the most imperfect parent that I know. I will never forget the first time my children smiled at me or called me momma. How I wish I could return to a more simple time when I could just kiss their hurt and it would disappear. But if I did that I would not grow to eventually experience the joy of seeing them with their children for the first time and enjoying the way that they memorize their children's toes.
My children-MiKayla, Kallie, Zachary and Bennette-how I adore you and hope that you know how much I love you all.
Oh, Tina. How amazing you truly are! Everything you have said hit home on some many levels. I have been watching my babies transform into these young human beings and I am so scared for them. I have never enjoyed change, but especially in my kiddos. They do grow up. As we hold their hand while they take their first step, we are not always able to hold their hand through all of life's encounters. This does not mean that we do not want to, this is the time that is necessary for them to learn to pick themselves up when they fall. =)
ReplyDeleteLove ya, cousin!
Candy
Mommies Rock!
ReplyDelete